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Scatterbrainedness strikes again
Mar. 29th, 2008 | 11:34 pm
location: my computer
So I know I promised a fic but my real life and my utter scatterbrainedness keep getting in the way. I am working on it though (it's probably awful anyway sigh) . It being my first fic i want to have a clear idea where I'm goinf before I post any of it.
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Torchwood Fandom Newbie
Feb. 14th, 2008 | 03:03 pm
mood: 
cheerful
I have recently discovered Torchwood and I am rapidly becoming a huge fan. I was surprised and delighted to discover all the amazing
Torchwood fan fiction on Live journal. Thank You to all the amazing writers who are willing to share their wonderful stories!
I mostly write poetry in my journal (I have no idea if it's any good or not but it helps keep me sane) If anyone feels like checking my poetry out I'd
love to get comments and criticism. I have been inspired to write a Torchwood story of my own and hope to post it soon :)
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A Reflection on the power of words
Oct. 27th, 2007 | 03:22 pm
the phone all but forgotten in her hand
not for the first time
she reflected on the powerof words
to rejuvinate to heal
to hurt and to destroy
words used to sooothe
or weilded like a weapon
even more damaging when used
carelessly
She had learned
one has to be careful
often when people use words
they don't say what they mean or really mean what they say
isn't that how the saying goes? clique but true
She thought she had learned not to believe his lies
or is it really a lie when the person believes that what they say is true ?
in the moment the words are well intentioned
true and sincere
in the heat of the moment
they shine with feeling
with meaning
yet to her ears they soon ring false
for she knows in her heart that later
his words will become
brittle things
blown away on the breeze as unsubstantial as ever
a promise broken
a casualty of his good intentions and inattenton
to anything other than
his needs his wants
and yet this time she had almost believed
she curses her own weakeneses
her need to be loved and accepted
overcoming her common sense
she had fallen in the trap once again
already she sees the signs so clear
he begins to grow tired yet again
she can never be what he wants not for long
she knows to be what he wants is to destroy her sense of self
But she won't walk away
she can't
trapped in a cage
that he created
but that she herself keeps locked
she waits
he will call back
his anger fading away
he'll come back
she will force herself to forget
his cruelty and her pain
she will choose to believe his words of love
She always does
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Beware the mirage
Oct. 4th, 2007 | 06:38 pm
Everything I have ever wanted
Standing in front of me
Close enough to touch
I reach out with my mind
My heart
Everything I want to be
Spread out before me
Tantalizing in its closeness
Its completeness
The answer to my prayers
My tears / my pain
As I reach out
I touch nothing but air
A mirage / a dream
Fleeting
Induced by desperation
Loneliness/ fear
I am standing alone in a desert
A vast empty place
Fate and hope are cruel
Adept at deceiving
Breaking
Can something that was never whole be broken?
I have been here before
Only then I believed
In apparitions
My biggest mistake
My frailty
I look up into the familiar sky
The wind brushes my face
I feel too much
I don’t want to feel /to know
The truth
Spelled out
Whispered in my ear
echoing
As the tears run unbidden
Down my face
To the dust below
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YOU ARE LOVED
Sep. 12th, 2007 | 09:27 pm
YOU ARE LOVED
Today you are born
A new life full of promise
And hope
I smile to think of all you will learn
I wonder who you will grow to be
No matter the person you become
Dear one
there is no question
You will become someone
Truly special
for you are
truly loved
You may wonder how I know
The truth dear one is it’s easy to tell
All you have to do is be quiet
watch and listen
For it is all around you
The love is there in your mother’s smile every time
She thinks or speaks of you
As real and vibrant now as the first time
when she told me you
were coming
a glow lighting her from within
It’s there in your father’s eyes
every time he looks at your mom
it’s there in the way they can’t help but touch
from time to time
There is so much love between them
It takes my breath away
And already their love is growing
Reaching out
To you
Holding you safe and warm.
It’s in the happiness of your family and friends
In the excitement in all of us as we wait for you
A new grandchild, or cousin or niece or nephew or friend of our very own
To play and laugh with
You will learn to see and feel it too
The love your parents and family have for you
Will always be around you
A part of you
In every look, in very laugh
In every kiss or hug
Even in anger or tears
Yes dear one even then
love will be there too.
And you will grow in every way
Secure in yourself
And in the knowledge
They you love and are loved in return
This is the greatest of gifts
Now you know the secret
You know love is everywhere
All around you
Inside and out
All you have to do is look
Inside your heart
And you will have reason
To doubt
you will know
forever and always
You are LOVED
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Using My Words
Aug. 13th, 2007 | 11:57 pm
mood: 
hopeful
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Nanking
Aug. 2nd, 2007 | 12:19 am
This is a poem I wrote in 2002 for my Facing History and Ourselves class
I looked on in horror
images of rape and death
a baby crying alone amid total destruction
"it would be alright if we only raped them"
bayonet practice
people being mauled
no longer human beings
but sheep and dogs instead
sickness
revolution
anger
how can people have no conscience
where do their souls go?
killing machines
all part of war
denial
immunity of the heart
scars yet to heal
untold sorrow and tears
"bullets bleed holes"
cries unheard
times untold in history
“the forgotten holocaust”
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Blindsided by Truth Part 1
Aug. 1st, 2007 | 11:34 pm
"They'll never accept you"
She doesn't know you hear her
what she is really saying is
"I'll never accept you
words
hateful
intense
life changing yet
not forceful
Her voice
quiet
measured
calm
her meaning
sudden
unexpected
revealed
the blindfold
You self imposed
held in place by years of denial
of love
ripped away
by a supposed act of kindness
the message is clear
you hear the ugly truth
behind the words
You are quiet
still
unmoving
just breathe
she won't notice
won't realize
what she has done
won't know
how her words shattered your
already fragile, turbulent world
you stare out the window
unseeing
yet really understanding
for the first time
reality setting in
your dreams
hopes
for acceptance and understanding
gone
the last bit of innocence in you
withering away
you felt yourself
dying in the instant
the words fell from her lips
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Out of Body Experience
Jul. 30th, 2007 | 09:05 pm
Floating away
Long to be free
Free of you/free of me
Floating away
Outside myself
Touching the sky
Expansion of my mind’s eye
Lost in space
In time
Drifting away
Free
Free to be
Somebody new
Free to forget
The confines of my body
My mind
My pain assuaged
Momentarily
By the night
Free to soar above
Suddenly looking forward
Every possibility open
To me
Free.
To be
One with the universe
Soul Connected
Still
I wait frozen in time
Suspended
I can see everything
A part of me
Free
I am me/The real me
No excuses/no shame
Drifting on the wind
High above
My body
I find acceptance
My hopes and dreams
Momentarily restored
Made whole
By my out of body experience
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Connecting Words
Jul. 30th, 2007 | 07:40 pm
location: my computer
broadcasted
thoughts and emotions
innermost thoughts
carried by electronic streams
my hopes and dreams
carried with it
for a future
out of my contro l
the fear of rejection
conquered
my hard won words
flying out
into the darkness
hoping for connection